ask a bitch

q: i support gay marriage, and get angry and disappointed by things like prop 8, because i definitely think my gay friends who want to get married should be able to. but does supporting them mean i can’t get married until they can? one of my gay friends has loudly and bitterly criticized a female friend of his for getting married when he can’t - he considers it a betrayal of their friendship. i don’t want to alienate my gay friends or rub it in their faces that i can get married and they can’t, but i have never really understood the point of symbolically refusing to marry. it’s not like my congressman would know (or care) that i was refusing to get married for political reasons, right? so do i have a moral obligation to postpone my wedding until all my gay friends in every state and country can get married too?

- i hate prop 8 

a: first of all, you’re a nice person, this is a lovely thought & imagine what a nice symbolic gesture you would be making! second of all, no, of course you don’t have any such obligation.

in life, most of us fall into privilege/disadvantage by the sheer nature of our being. if you’re a man, yay! if you’re white, yay! if you’re rich, yay! if you’re straight, yay! not yay! because those things are better or worse than others but yay! because those are doors that are open to you. yay opportunity! these are things you should use to your advantage! (please note our deliberate non-use of the phrase “take advantage of” - we may be bitches, but we’d never advise you to be THAT KIND of asshole.) if you are lucky enough to be straight & silly in love enough to want to get married, get married!

however, you do still have an obligation to continue supporting your gay friends by doing things that actually might make a difference - vote wisely, write all your representatives, donate money to the right places, boycott the right places, wear lots of sparkly things & just help make the world a more beautiful & loving place in general.