q: i’ve been seeing a guy pretty casually since just before the holidays. he is lovely and kind and funny, but i feel a bit of distance between us and so the whole thing has been pretty casual. i definitely like him and maybe i love him, but it’s all very confusing. we had a little heart to heart the other day, and started arranging plans for valentine’s day, which is a nice thing to do. during the conversation, he casually mentions to me that he can’t biologically have kids! this came as a shock, and it’s one of those nuggets of information i just wish had stayed in pandora’s box. i mean what am i supposed to do with that?
you see, as a fully grown gentlelady i can’t help but think that, whether we know it or not, women are programmed to be looking for the father of their children. this guy is great, but now i know for a fact that he can’t have kids. add to that i know our relationship is far more on the casual side and… is it even worth pursuing?! does that make me sound awful? i wasn’t really thinking about marrying him or anything, but now that i’m the wrong side of 25 maybe this is just the sort of thing i have to consider. if we were in a more serious stage of a relationship and i knew that i really loved him, then i would definitely/probably be in a position to talk through other options. but the point is, we’re not in that stage and basically, i just don’t know what to do.
- maybe baby
a: this is going to be one of those on one hand but on the other hand answers, so it won’t decide anything for you at all, but maybe it will help clarify one thing… or another. possibly.
on one hand, it definitely sounds like you have feelings for this gentleman and that despite the current casual nature of the relationship, you would like it to be more serious. your repeated mentions of how “casual” it is make that much clear. it’s a classic case of saying words over and over again in an attempt to make yourself believe them because it would just be easier if things were casual and you really didn’t care. but you like him. and maybe you love him! those sound like the real words, and probably you should examine them much more carefully. love is very important, after all. but it isn’t everything!
on the other hand, bitches don’t want to make any claims about all women and whether or not their brains are telling them to reproduce, but it’s clear that many, many women are biologically driven to mate. you, for example, it definitely sounds like you would like that. and possibly that you’d like to do it sooner than later? this is all just reading between the lines of your question, but if we had to guess, you’d like a baby or two. take some time to ponder that, too. children are very important, after all. but it isn’t everything!
if you like this guy and maybe love him, and it seems like there is potential to grow from casual to serious, and maybe you are willing to consider adoption/someone else’s sperm/etc as an option to fill your child needs or maybe after a lot of thought you don’t actually need a baby, then maybe this relationship is worth pursuing. if any one of those things isn’t true, then it probably isn’t.
