q: i’m a divorced father with weekend custody of my young children. when i was first single, i had fun dating for a bit before i just got fed up with it. i was’nt meeting anyone special, and it felt like a waste of time. since then, i’ve pretty much just been keeping to myself during the week. all my friends are coupled-up, so i’m fairly lonely except for the weekends with my kids.
for a while now, i’ve been spending time with a family friend whose children are semi-close with mine. we mostly do play-dates for the kids, but recently she asked if i wanted to see a movie with her. we went out but she refused to let me pay - saying something about how that’s what friends should do.
so, my question is, is it smart to attempt to pursue some sort of closer relationship with her? i’m worried about wrecking our friendship or the children’s. she’s actually a widower, and hasn’t really dated anyone since her spouse died years ago. i’m also worried that maybe i’m just into her because i haven’t been dating. i would love another long-term relationship, but i don’t know if we are right for each other or if there is too much in between us already. what should i do?
-divorcee court
a: well, i wouldn’t worry so much about her insisting that she could pay her way —- she’s a grown ass woman, and anyway, she’s the one that asked you to begin with. the only weird thing would be if she didn’t even try to chip in.
you guys are coming from shitty places; the apprehension that you feel is totally natural. honestly, you seem like you like her (or god knows why you would be writing) - so just go for it. nothing has to be set in stone. spending more time together is not some sort of long-term promise for either of you. just start slow - anything quick would scare at least one of you away from something that could, who knows, be awesome. or not at all. you’ll never know until you try.
attempt to make more plans sans kids and just pay attention to how she responds. if she keeps turning you down, she’s probably not into your shit at all. sorry bro. but if she agrees & you are still sensing some hesitation on her part - don’t overanalyze it and take it too personally. instead take comfort in the fact that you are both probably scared.
don’t worry about the kids unless you somehow live in a town where only yours & her children exist. kids have lots of friends. they will be fine. you can’t live your entire life for them - an important part of being the best father is being happy. so you got to take care of yourself, too.
also, my doctor told me that if you don’t use it, you lose it - so i’d probably keep that medical warning in the back of your mind.
