ask a bitch

q: my boyfriend and i broke up a couple of months ago. it wasn’t a terrible breakup and we’re trying to be friends, which is going fine so far. the problem is that i almost immediately started dating someone new when we broke up, and it’s getting serious now. i haven’t said anything to my ex because i figured it was none of his business and i wasn’t sure the new relationship was going anywhere until recently. (we’re friendly, but he’s still my most recent ex-boyfriend, so talking about my new dating life didn’t seem okay.) i also think knowledge of a new boyfriend would probably ruin whatever friendship we’ve been able to maintain. he’s gonna hear it though the grapevine anyway, but do i have to be the one to tell him?
 
— friendly fire
 
a: sure, it’s good to try and be friendly with exes and all that, especially if the breakup was fairly amicable and extra-especially if you share a lot of the same friends (or work for the same company, go to the same social events, etc.). but it’s always going to be somewhat weird at first, until you both have had time to readjust to your new roles in each other’s lives, and we wonder whether you’ve given it that essential cooling-off period. after all, isn’t the news of an exciting new relationship exactly the type of thing you’d WANT to share with your friends? and you’d expect them to be supportive and happy for you… otherwise they’re not real friends, right?
 
if you two are on civil terms, it would be a kind gesture to say, “hey, i just wanted you to hear it from me first, but i’m dating someone and i think it might be something serious.” that’s it! it’s probably not a good idea to go into much more detail, even if — especially if — he wants to hear all about the new guy. just say, “thanks for being happy for me and i’m glad we can still be friends.” plus, if he can’t handle the news gracefully, than he’s not ready to be “just friends” yet, which is an important thing for you to know.