q: i have a snooping problem at my work. i feel like my fellow coworker is just always invading my privacy. for the longest time, he had a habit of sneaking up behind me and just always reading anything i was working on. i finally got so annoyed that i got into the habit of closing down windows whenever i can tell he is coming by. it’s not that i am doing anything wrong; i just hate the invasion of personal space. now, of course, this dude is mentioning this behavior as well, shaming me as if i am now constantly working on outside projects or playing on facebook or something. our offices are quite tiny, and he also will comment on bits and pieces he catches from anything he hears me say on the phone. i’m not trying to be secretive, but i don’t like this guy just constantly keeping tabs on me and getting in my space. what can i do to make him just mind his own business?
- wanna be remote now
a: ah, the nosey coworker. annoying behavior that everyone unfortunately will probably go through (if they have not already). this can be a tricky topic, since you’re at work and usually don’t want to rock the boat. i’m assuming this guy is not actually a supervisor, just a coworker, so it’s not like he has any real authority over you (but of course, the last thing you probably want is this nosey ass complaining to your boss). my advice would be to first kill him with kindness. try to curb some of your closing-windows etc behavior for awhile. allow yourself to seem more open, and try to establish some sort of comfort level, regardless if you love or hate the dude.
once he seems to open up a bit to you…. go for the kill. try to explain your assessment of the situation in the kindest terms. you know, use “i” statements and try to not sound confrontational. the last thing you want to do is poke this obnoxious bear. just try to explain that you feel like he is constantly looking over your shoulder and that this just makes you feel ill at ease. never admit to doing anything BUT work at work, but just try to focus on that this surveillance, innocent as it may be, just makes you nervous. if you don’t feel like face-to-facing, send him an email. i’d probably play the shy card card and use plenty of phrases like “i totally know that you don’t mean to make me feel this way, but it just makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable.”
if the guy isn’t a total idiot, this behavior should definitely slow down. people usually like to try to stay friendly in the office, so hopefully he will go out of his way to ensure how comfortable you are.
if this behavior continues? if you’re close with your boss, have a heart to heart with them and ask for their advice. bosses (non-crazy ones at least) love when their people go to them for advice. again, i would recommend just saying that it makes you feel like you are being constantly watched and that his behavior is distracting you from your work (duh, bosses want you to do great work obviously).
if you are not close with your boss, consider HR. HR is there to be awesome and make people stop acting like such d-bags. i’m a huge fan. if anything, HR will definitely do something about this to stop the problem before it gets worse. the last thing they would want is an employee complaining about being uncomfortable at work on paper & then to ignore this. they tend to be smarter than to let this happen.
now, ahem, what would i do? i would first pointedly just tell him to stop. ‘stop this, it drives me crazy, i don’t think it’s funny, just stop.’ i tend to be a bit outspoken with my feelings. knowing me, if he didn’t directly stop, i would just start doing this to him constantly until he got the message. or just start leaving fake emails on my screen saying ‘STOP READING EVERYTHING I DO BIG BROTHER.’ if they mentioned something that they heard me say on the phone, i would probably just be like ‘JEEZ don’t you have work to do here to? seriously.’
but i have never been one for tact and politeness, so i probably wouldn’t have been as patient as you. so, yes, go with sugar, and if that fails, go to the big guns. they are there for a reason. they will want to curb this distracting behavior before it blows into two employees who genuinely hate each other.
good luck!
