q: i recently introduced my boyfriend of a few months at a family event. as these things can be, it was a little awkward, but i was not expecting the reaction i got from my family afterward. both of my sisters stated they did not like him, my mom was noncommittal, and they all asked questions that essentially boiled down to “why are you with him?” in fact, they know why i am with him as i obviously spoke highly of him before bringing him around. he is a kind, generous, smart, and funny man, among other things. my family is important to me, and i feel like my boyfriend and i have a future together (at least one long enough to include future family get togethers). how do i get my family to be more open and positive toward the man in my life?
- blood is thicker, and way messier, than water
a: this one is really hard without more background. do you have a history of dating guys that turn out to be really poor matches for you? have you dragged dozens of lackluster dudes home to meet the family? (feel free to explain more to get a more direct answer!)
if so, it has to do with that. if no, well, my advice for your action is quite similar: talk to them. talk to them one-on-one and ask them about their negative reactions. could they be seeing some horrible character flaw that is currently blinded by your lust (ya never know… i’m pretty sure we’ve all been guilty of that)? are they just afraid that you are dating a slightly different version of a guy that has already broken your heart plenty of times? you really won’t known until you ask them. if you’re a habitual monogamist… well, don’t be so surprised if your family has learned to be gun-shy around new fellows. perhaps they think you will just end up breaking up soon regardless, so don’t feel like getting involved.
if it’s not just your past taste in partners, there could be a larger issue at hand. explain to your family how you feel about him, and that you expect them to welcome him and like him, as they should like anyone that treats you well and makes you happy. be honest with how you feel, and let them tell you what they really think. do not be dismissive of what they say to you. if you are close with your family, they are probably going to do whatever they think is best for you. don’t discount anything they have to say; rather, try to swallow your pride and really listen.
if you aren’t ready for the truth though, don’t ask for it… but also don’t expect them to fall in love with your boyfriend like you did.
