q. my girlfriend says i need to put a time limit on waiting for my boyfriend to propose to me. she says i should not let my boyfriend know about the time limit. we have been together for 5 years and i think our relationship is very strong.
i eventually would like to marry him and when we have talked a little about marriage, he says he does plan to marry me. i am not sure how i would approach this time limit. any suggestions?
-secret ultimatums make an as out of u and [then you will need lots of] tums
a. tell your fringe to mind her own business. this is not her relationship. also her advice — put a timeline on the proposal (dumb) but of COURSE don’t tell him (worse). she doesn’t seem all that awesome at advice (at least right here, who knows, maybe she is usually spot on). the mysterious timeline = stupid and could actually wind up with you completely dumped if he ever got wind of this. nobody likes an ultimatum (let alone a secret one that concerns both of your futures). the poor dude is not mind reader.
you know what totally rocks though? open communication with the boyfriend. five years is a really decent sounding relationship. try to have a casual yet very open dialog on the subject (okay, and right now i am assuming that yes, you do want to marry him, and perhaps the sooner the better?) if you really think you want to spend the rest of your life with him, far harder situations will inevitably arise in the future. you have to start laying your cards on the table at some point! open communication with couples is SO IMPORTANT.
ask very in-depth questions about how he feels about marriage. you will seriously not know without asking him. directly. we are talking about your future- this is no time for games. the only thing i can really take away from your friend’s advice is maybe DO think about a time that you would want to be married by. and DISCUSS this with your significant other.
it sounds like you do want to be married at some point and that you can totally see yourself spending the rest of your life with your man. high five girl! that is some hard shit to get. but don’t blow the awesomeness you guys have with weird secrets. that never works.
(summary, that ended up even more verbose [MY B!]): don’t listen to your friend. open up the marriage convo with the boyfriend and take it from there. be brutally honest, and encourage the same from him. if you have both spoken already about marriage, this really shouldn’t be that big of a deal. really listen to what he says. if he has reasons for wanting to wait longer, try to understand them. if you don’t, ask for further information. and let him know exactly how you feel. aim for a calm, open discussion. this is not the time for fights. you two certainly sound like you are in love. maybe it’s really time to decide where you both see the relationship down the road (because the uncertainty is clearly beginning to bother you). i would never, never force someone to agree to a specific time or BYE. no one likes being forced into a quick decision - especially one so life-changing (certainly some one else has seen that episode of Curb, amiright?!)
best of luck to the both of you. maybe tell your friends that some bitch said that secret ultimatums are seriously the worst idea. i don’t mind :)
PS: OH GOD HOW DID I FORGET?!?!? it’s 2k11. ask him yourself, darling, if that’s where you think you guys are. the dude doesn’t always have to pop the question. i’d recommend a good, thorough discussion first.
good luck with your love, love.
